


Moving On

by BetterYouThanMe



Series: Harry Potter Drabbles [53]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Exes, F/M, Heartbreak, Lavender is trying to move on, Self-Doubt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22509790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterYouThanMe/pseuds/BetterYouThanMe
Summary: She was the common denominator but there was no way she ruined every relationship she had ever been in. It just wasn't possible.
Relationships: Lavender Brown/Blaise Zabini
Series: Harry Potter Drabbles [53]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/826257
Kudos: 2





	Moving On

It was dumb. Everything she was feeling was dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

She hated feeling like she was in high school again. That she was experiencing her first heartbreak. This was typical.

Not that it was all her fault though. It couldn't be. She was the common denominator but there was no way she ruined every relationship she had ever been in. It just wasn't possible.

She wasn't a terrible girlfriend. She learned from high school and wasn't as clingy as before. Didn't stick so close to the girls she watched in movies. Lavender was her own person now. Not a carbon copy of what she assumed girls were supposed to act.

* * *

She should have seen it coming, the breakup was long in the making. Every time he ignored her she could feel her resolve breaking. Lavender didn't expect anyone to love her. She moved far away from that a few years ago but she wanted it so bad. Desperately she looked for love. Craved it every minute of every day.

So, she ignored the breaking of her heart and moved onto someone else. Parties became her second home. She jumped from place to place looking for the next person. The relationship usually didn't last more than a few months. It didn't hurt she told herself. Being pushed to the side and ignored was fine. She wasn't some dumb teenager anymore who needed to cry for two weeks with ice cream to fix her problems. She was in charge of her life, not the men she chooses to keep her company.

Her friends told her to take some time to be single, but she hated that more than the broken relationships she chooses. The permanent ache in her heart was almost comforting. It was familiar was everything else was unfamiliar. Everyone labeled her as "easy". She allowed stupid frat boys to up their count by adding her to the list but it distracted her from the real issues.

Why would no one love her?

What was truly wrong with her?

Was she to end up alone?

* * *

Her longest relationship was during the middle years of her college career. Almost two years… almost. They almost moved in together. They talked about marriage. Life after college. They were happy or at least Lavender thought they were happy. It wasn't a disaster of a relationship. She didn't fight with him at every opportune moment. It was normal, safe, she felt loved. No one cheated on the other. There was no lying, manipulation, or any other horrible deed that could have happened.

They just fell apart.

Slowly, they separated. Saw each other less and less. And now it seemed like all her other relationships were doomed to end the same way. Pushed aside like lost toys. No longer something that was needed but it was nice to keep around. Blaise was different from the rest for obvious reasons. In some ways, he still cared about her. Nothing more than a smile was sent her way though. But still, that was more than some of the others.

Maybe that's why the heartbreak from that relationship still affected her. When she thought of love she thought of Blaise. How they would walk through campus holding hands and laughing. Now all she got was a different bed every so often.

* * *

Clubs were in some way cleaner than the old frat and sorority houses she used to frequent. The security for one wasn't some cranky frat guy who got stuck with door duty that night. And the drinks, although more expensive, were a lot better than the mixed drinks she got in college.

Everyone around her office knew her. She didn't dare have a relationship with anyone there but they had all witnessed her drinking. She was used to rumors. She told herself she didn't care anymore. If she kept saying it maybe one day she would believe it.

Apparently it wasn't that day. Despite their breakup being years ago she still knew the guy in the corner of the club was Blaise. He was chatting with some girl and Lavender's heart sunk to the ground. It really shouldn't have mattered to her anymore. He left her a long time ago spouting nonsense about them not working. Her friends told her it was because he was scared to be with someone as amazing as her, but she knew it was because he realized he could do better. Anyone was better than her.

That's why everyone else dumped her after they had enough. She would always be the last choice in every situation. Someone better always came along. The thought of anyone being with Blaise in the way she had been made her sick. That someone else got to see him first thing in the morning. That they got his special breakfast in bed. That she wasn't the most important person to him anymore.

Her feelings were dumb. She was an adult for crying out loud. Who cares what her ex was doing now? She shouldn't care. Every fiber of her being screamed that she shouldn't care but she did. Because she wasn't enough to get him to stay. And here she was towards the end of her twenties and still acting like she was in college. That all her problems could be fixed if one guy paid her attention. So, Lavender decided to change that.

She stomped her way over to Blaise and watched as his eyes widened. But before he could open his mouth she threw her drink in his face. One last petty act before she started acting the way she should. She didn't even wait to hear if he said anything she just turned to leave. Finally allowing herself to leave her past behind and give herself a future. She'd find someone better than Blaise who gave her the love she wanted. Who treated her the way she should have been treated the entire time. Lavender promised herself she would stop sleeping around. That she would put the effort into staying in a relationship for more than a few months. She would allow herself to stop being a coward when it came to love.

She wouldn't allow herself to feel so defeated anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my Fanfiction.net page  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5665438/BetterYouThanMe


End file.
